HOME SWEET HOME!

I am back from camp. So tedious and tiring. For the first time, I really was disappointed because I was very looking forward to the camp. The planning, the committee, the leaders, the games, the activities were fun! But the people there weren't so.

So disappointed that everyone is too sticky to their own group of friends/CG mates. I really rarely have a chance to talk to them. I wanted to leave the campsite so badly on the first day when Mikki called in. Her words 'can you be more understanding?' made me think twice. I seriously would just walked off like that. For the 2 hours when I reached the school, I was wandering about in the campus. Sitting anywhere with tears already in my eyes. Emotions arose again and I freaking hate it. There's simply too much hatred and loneliness in me. Nobody bothers about me. When leaders or committee members walked past me and asked why aren't I joining in the game, I simply smiled and told them I was late and don't have a group. When SK told me that his group was too full, and asked me to find others, I was seriously so sad lah.

To leave or not? That suppressed feelings really sucks. I don't know what's the factor, but I made an approach to XYZ and told her I need a team because I was late, she called Jasmin, and I am in Team 4. Although I didn't know anybody, except for those people around my age, I felt a sense of belonging for the first time. Nobody cares about my existence. So I didn't bother about myself either. I joined them silently I didn't talk much.

Mikki couldn't sleep with me as promised, because she have too much things on hand. I see her flying around everywhere to help out, I wonder if she's tired. I tried to be strong to sleep alone. Thank God that I am able to sleep and think nothing much about it because I was so freaking tired. When I saw Wendy, one of the leaders, caring for her members and talking to them, I missed Mikki really much. I guess I was strong to be left alone, and left Mikki alone too (:

The thing that kept me alive was those sessions where we could find God's presence. The thing that made me stay was those sessions, not the people. I thank God for that. The second night was superb. Zenearth wasn't there :( but we went dancing on the floor. Where Edwin and Pastor Zhuang were being carried by the crowd. HAHA. That session was crazy. When Anyi and I were being brought to the second row by the usher, I felt intimidated by the leaders. Nevertheless, I was myself when it comes to praise and worship.

The condition of my leg worsened and I break camp earlier today. Reached home at 11 and went to rub my leg with medication oil. Napped for 6hours and am up already.

I promised myself that I won't join Youth camp alone anymore to torture myself.

p/s: I am not ranting, just typing my thoughts and feelings
p/p/s: I am quitting softball already
p/p/p/s: My leg really hurts.

I am gonna study hard for MST.

Lord, embrace me