Hello everyone! I am back to blog :D

School was hectic yesterday but the greatest event that didn't make me regret was the Church Wide Bible Study with Pastor Kong. Pastor Kong decided to teach again after 21 years on the book of Song of Solomon.

Initially I felt very dry. Felt that I am dragging my feet to Expo. Felt that distance was a problem. But the energy that miraculously brought me there afterall was the expectations I have, for this book I have never understood a single sentence before. And I was reminded by what Anyi used to share, that when you set aside time for God, He will multiply your time. And I truly believe in that. Some of the greatest examples I have are Shaun and Pastor Kong.

Was amazed. Pastor Kong taught us verse by verse. From SOS 1:1 - 2:7. I've got my revelations of course yesterday night. Many of my doubts were cleared. I give praise to God for that.

Song of Solomon is a book splitted into 5 parts. Yesterday we touched on the first part which was Initial Love. It was then made known that Initial Love is not talking about a new believer who just received salvation. It is, however, talking about the backsliders that had already lost their first love. I am one of them.

This verse struck me:

Do not look upon me, because I am dark,
Because the sun has tanned me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
They made me the keeper of the vineyards,
But my own vineyard I have not kept.

- Song of Solomon 1:6 NKJV

That it speaks TOTALLY my situation right now. Feeling very dry, but I kept serving, I kept going forward. Sooner or Later I am going to be dried up, and I really was. I've sinned greatly which this sin I am only going to make known to God and not anyone else.

Leaders can only teach us and guide us to God. But I want to make the advance step to find God myself too. I know Christianity is a process, there are many new things to be learnt.

Then another sentence by Pastor Kong spoke into my heart once again. And I finally get to understand. God relates Relationally, God does not work with formula! But the silly me kept wanting to find a perfect formula to work with, so that I am serving as a routine and I won't make mistakes. Pastor Kong said, it is easy if God works with formula, but He does not. I totally agree with that. I want to be the anointed one, someone that flows with the Holy Spirit and depend on God for the way. Someone who does not depend on my strength alone. Someone who can discern right and wrong. I want to be someone like that one day. I don't know what's the ultimate way God wants me to go. But if He wants me to go anywhere, I will obey.

I teared upon a song that Pastor Kong first wrote. We sang as a church yesterday. I am going to find that song and change my blog song :D I really teared. God still loves me, despite the mistakes I made, my foolishness, my stubbornness, my ignorant, and whatever.

Instant Peace I felt. I know it's God. That peaceful feeling is so precious. I felt that I am on the right track again, back to serving God.

Ministry is not a problem. The problem is that you've lost your first love.

I am back to the cell group. I will come back to Usher Ministry soon.

Lord, give me peace whenever my heart trembles.