There will always be light at the end of the tunnel. I feel that many a times, I did things out of impulse, without giving the consequences a thought. But the decision today, I hope will make a difference. Somehow, I felt really suppressed, my emotions are rocking, the things that I've been doing, is unworthy of God, I know, but I can't help but continued.Before I really go on, I really want to thank God for DBA14, this class is really bonded. It makes me feel like I am still in my first week of school. Because we've been going out, almost every day that is possible, to chill, to play, to chat. Felt a little uneasy without them today.
Well, I am going to share this as a testimonial in the cellgroup soon, I love DBA14.
Back to today's post, many thoughts has been in my mind. I've been sinning, a serious one, in my life right now. I cannot put it down, it has been affecting me for almost a month already. No longer reading the bible, and the devotions, I've been sleeping late because of that matter too. It's stupid I know, I've let God down again and again.
I hate my emotions. Being very emotional is the weakest part of me. I cannot stand myself being emotional, doing things and get very affected. I don't like when people advice me on moving on, when they don't know a single bit of me. I hate to keep moving on despite me feeling sour and tangled inside, and in the end getting myself hurt. I don't like emotions, it is hindering me from achieving things I needed to.
Since school starts, I am really trying my best to be happy (: DBA14's laughter is contagious. I really thank God they are there. I have my own khakis now, XianFeng, Bukit, Jerry, Jeremy and such. I have a great listener, Madeline. I have wonderful classmates, all of DBA14 :D I am thankful for them. I've learnt to be happy, and not faking it, I love to smile :D
Shaun's words are always inside of me. A Mature person moves on to the things they are suppose to do despite those emotions. God gives us emotions, it's a gift. I kept moving on, I really did, throwing unnecessary emotions aside, but sometimes I just need a let out I guess.
I've let the Devil intruded my thoughts, feelings and whatever. I've low resistance to the Devil right now. Lord, I need your angels to guide me now, to take whatever confusion I have away. I am sorry to let You pick up those broken pieces of mine again.
I will try to read the devotions today, no matter how reluctant I can be. And Lord, I know you will guide me :D