
I guess I should be posting after some time. finally I'm posting something again. perhaps I just wanna share things on my mind. some rantings, you can click on the [X] or simply press ALT + F4 if you wanna skip this.
Went for visitation today. Wanted to visit Uzen but we didn't do so. I'm not so sure about the reasons, because it has been Mikki planning to. But Mikki is great, I love to receive cards from her, or maybe long letters next time? haha.
So LiangKai, Mikki & I went to Kallang to find Alfie. It's great to fellowship, especially during those random moments where LiangKai & Alfie would just bicker and fight. Really made me laugh non-stop. I guess, this is where bonds are drawn closer :D
Went to Aljunied to find Anyi, my dajie! :D Because they always say we look alike ._. Immediately I thought of Eileen. Because Eileen stay at Aljunied too. And Anyi is her senior in Geylang Medalist (pardon me for wrong spelling ._.). Tried to click, I know I must move out from being anti-social. Change is always stepping out your comfort zone. But somehow, sometimes, we just have no topics to chat about. They are both in NAFA, their circles of friends are really cool. I really like to click with their circles of friends, but what about mine? Why is there always pessimistic thoughts that pull down my confidence? Or is there even confidence in me?
I like they way Mikki encourages, I always can't wait for a time where we can share more things. Because Mikki's words always set me thinking. But they can't always be there for me, my sisters & leaders. I just have to learn to step out, in faith.
"Don't Look Back" always in my head. That's just the right word to keep me going forward and not backwards. Conversation with LiangKai today made me realized that people are looking at me, as a whole, as the first impression. He said, as an usher, it's better for me to dress more appropriately. I know I don't dress well. I know he's encouraging me. I know I'm always back into my comfort zone. I didn't keep moving forward.
Most problems are solved on the surface. People understand how I look, trying to get me into shopping, asked to try this & that. But, there's still an inner barrier, that I have to overcome it myself.
LOOKS LOOKS LOOKS! CAN SOMEONE JUST SPARE ME LAH!
I cannot cross that barrier in me. No one would understand. God understands, I know. But it have to be ME moving forward.
Pastor said, to be a disciple of God, we need to be fishers of men. Will I be? I ain't even communicating well. Things seemed to be so surface for me. There's only so few whom I can communicate to. Communicating with people just ain't me. I just want to be alone sometimes. But being alone means thinking too much.
I broke down into tears today. I just let my emotions be. Although I kept telling myself, not to let emotions control me. I've been so cheerful until today. I guess, I'm still human afterall. I will also break down. Today it shall be.
Can't wait to indulge myself in God's word. Gonna read James today, for more encouragments. Encouragements from friends alone aren't enough, I need God's. I know my friends have been supportive, especially my spiritual family. But I guess, I just need the truth sometimes.
It's always not me.
Lord, cast everything away & it shall be gone.