& i was also finally done with my dinner;
im gonna post today starting my post from yesterday;
while waiting for xin to deliver my daddy's day present to panjang too;
because i was so muddle-headed to have left it in church with shuan -.-
there it goes;
as planned;
darren & i went to VCH to watched ben's concert;
the first part was rather dry & i fell asleep;
but the second part kept me wide awake;
because it was simply too great;
especially when the chior sang the melody for tonghua while the band played the music;
kudos to kranji symphonic band & ben as well;
darren & i decided to cab down to the place;
since i only left work place around 5 plus;
& it it almost impossible for me to rush there in time to watch the concert;
it's ben's concert & i dont wanna be late too;
picked ting & her mrj halfway at bangkit & off we went;
the cab fare $25.2 bucks;
i was still capturing things in my head;
bought teenage magazine but cant read it on cab;
so chatted with ting while both the guys kept silent all the way;
& yes i missed ting like she misses me too;
hahahas!
bought her a chocolate to cheer her up;
& to encourage her for the path she ultimately chose to take;
ting, you're brave;
vip seats for white ticket?
& normal seating for pink ticket?
that was least expected & atrocious;
ting & mrj went to the normal seating with their pink tickets;
while darren & i went to the vip seats with our white ticket;
meant for parents in which the ticket was passed to us free by ben;
but perhaps it was planned;
so that we could have our time together;

kanna blocked by heads you know;
you cant blame me -.-

& the scenery was beautiful;
& so i captured it;
halfway through the journey home;
ting smsed me & say;
' i forgot to take pictures with you! :( '
there's always next time;
*pat*
i kept silent all the way;
because the marshmellow we bought earlier made me bloated like hell;
neither of us wish to end it this way;
its around past nine coming ten;
2 more hours & we're going to part;
at times i wonder;
how i wished that i could turn back, hug & kiss him, telling him;
let's not part, there might be some other working ways, we can still be together;
the only song in my head was say goodnight by the click five;
" baby just say goodnight
I'll be gone tomorrow
baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
baby just walk away
you know I can't stay
there's no easy way to say goodbye
so baby just say goodnight "
I'll be gone tomorrow
baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
baby just walk away
you know I can't stay
there's no easy way to say goodbye
so baby just say goodnight "
can we just say goodnight & everything would solve by itself?
sometimes how i wished it can work this way;
because i cant take the sorrow;
i wonder how much capacity i have to endure all these;
darren teared on the train i know;
finally reached bpp;
got some stuffs & ate it at the playground down my block;
it was some memories;
that we always have heart to heart talk down there;
when it was dark & only the two of us;
looking at the stars while confessing;
i love the way we communicate;
being the most important tool too;
we talked things out;
we planned this in our way;
he will go back to his church & he immediately smsed his cgl;
& we will stay spiritually strong;
& we will go back to the past where we always have bible study together before we sleep;
& also make it the way we always prioritizes God;
& share our sermon we brought from church to home to each other;
i felt that the stone was lightened as i begin to see him in my life again;
but that kiss that night;
was the kiss goodbye;
that was the book that was handled to us during the concert!
well designed!

i was too excited to be home;
because we're back together again;
& i smsed ting about it;
& that means no more explanation to my parents (someday) that we are not together;
no more explanation to friends;
no more q&a from them;
i felt too lightened;
i love the way just it is - to be with him;
as i reached home;
the normal thing i would do first is to on the lappy;
the homepage of mine is my webbie;
& something strucked me;
"And now I say to you, keep away from these men and let them alone; for if this plan or this work is of men, it will come to nothing; but if it is of God, you cannot overthrow it--lest you even be found to fight against God."
Acts 5:38-39 (NKJV)
this was showed by my 'god's daily word' column;
i dont know what to do;
at that point of time;
i told myself;
i took alot of courage to letgo;
& now i held on;
& dont ever tell me im to let go so sudden again;
i was too impacted;
i had to grab someone to explain things to me;
i asked siok & eventually she said;
" tell him that if it is really the plan of God for u two to be together, then when u all reached the age like 21 n above, then u all will still be together de "
i dont want this answer;
i smsed shaun hopefully he would return my call;
we chatted;
i was too agitated to be calm;
i cried all the way even though im trying to hold back my tears;
but its already flowing;
what can i do?
this month's teenage showed me when i was in the cab "break up blues"
i dont want this answer;
& shaun said;
the first thing that stopped you from attending church was your parents - your weakest point;
& the second thing was your work in which you need money - earthly possessions;
& now your relationship in which you're too stubborn to let go;
God is waiting, & he is still waiting;
wasn't it too much of a coincidence that Lord is trying to tell you;
not to be tempted, but to let go;
once & once again;
until the last moment before the 14th - the agreed date we should end;
Lord is still telling me;
ky, have faith, brace up your face;
you're not doing this alone;
you're with me, your dearest & heavenly daddy;
someone so perfect that you can ever rely on;
yes darren is still going back to the house of God;
separation will be the best way;
& wad siok said was really true;
if we really meant to be together, we will, nothing can separate us;
we're separating now for our own good;
i cried myself to sleep;
smsed mikki cos i really do not know what to do;
it was the first ever time i cried so hard;
i trembled in my tears & pain;
i tried to calm myself down by breathing easily again;
but i soon fell asleep;
Lord, 2 steps of faith;
2 steps by faith;
im hurt deeply right now;
the 3rd step of faith is to really put things down;
when i know i can just simply fix the pieces back;
im down, really down;
im no longer what im;
take me away;
away from those sorrows;
away from those pain;
when there's love, there's hurt;
i dont wanna get hurt;
i may be strong on the outside;
but i know deep within me im weak;
im so weak;
Lord, i wanna be broken before you;
i wanna cling onto you, my Lord;
my daddy;
i wanna love you more;
cos i know i cant love him anymore;
bring me to your secret healing place;
the place where i will only reveal my true self;
if you can place someone like darren in my life;
im sure you're able to place someone 100x better than darren;
this is nothing right?
this setback is alright, right?
i worked with my swollen eyes today;
all the aunties asking if i had enough sleep;
i did not have enough sleep;
but praise the Lord, im able to stand up & go to work;
thanks julie ong for entertaining me;
i wanna face the world again;
the different ky with the same world, same Lord;
the different mindset & attitude;
change is the only constant in life;
i hope im changing for the better;
im sorry to kai, for not being able to make it for today's pc show;
made alot of effort to that bv shift but to no avail;
in the end it was nothing;
im not well emotionally, i dont wanna face anybody;
straight down to church after work;
because i wanted to do so;
it was impulsive, an impulse decision;
i doubt cyndi was able to bring her daddy to this service;
but the drama never fails to amaze me;
rolling laogong & samsam was shocked to see me;
during praise & worship;
tears kept strolling down my check uncontrollably;
im just tearing & tearing;
my head is just aching & aching;
i know it is not easy to let go;
with all his smses in my phone;
but i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
so ky, you gonna do it;
shaun got xin & i this book;
thanks shaun once again;
i hope that im able to get off next sunday for the outreach rolling laogong & samsam planned;
cos i know the CG is multiplying already;
i dont want to separate once again;

dont misunderstand the title of this book;
it is not a book promoting singlehood;
it is a book in every aspect of our emotion;
trying to let us view the different aspect;
& show us what is the best way;
i wanna learn more;
i wanna get impacted too;
his smses not stopping;
like a river flowing;
im letting go no matter how hard it takes;
focusing on God, im not running away;
Lord, i hope what my faith told me is really the right way;
you gonna show me that;
happy 4th month anniversary to my dearest sandy jie & vincent kor!
stay well & last long;
you gonna be the most loving couple;
jiayou & all the best;
you all will always have xiaomei's support;
happy daddy's day!
to my earthly daddy!
& the daddy up there!
i love you guys!
rawk on DADDIES!
Lord, thanks for keeping me alive;
you gonna bless me with the will & determination back to studies again;
from tomorrow onwards;
work & studies alone;
i wanna concentrate no more until mst week is over;
Lord! i need you!
hear my cries, please!
thank you daddy!
my dearest!
you rawks!
i stone;
with love;
yimyim
replies to taggies:
cabbit: shenny! thanks for visiting always! so surprised to always see you tagging, always updating on my life through my blog. thanks for being inspired! you gonna do your best too. stay loving with jazz! wish you all the best!
darren: all the best in everything you do, every decision you make. grow up.
des: thanks for visiting & spamming too -.-
samsam: thanks for coming. i will do my best & god will do the rest. cheers on for ky alright? when she need you guys the most now
xueting; my dearest ting! yes, we'll cling onto the lord tightly. no matter what happens. let's give each other mutual support alright. love you like always.
rolling laogong: thanks! i love you man! hahas. i know you'll always be there too. thanks for not failing to lend me your listening ear. you have to jiayou yourself too.
yixin: xinxin the orang utan! i've done my best, you can do it too, when faith speaks to you. move by faith. pray for spiritual sensitivity to guide you along. i love you too! singing was great! you agree? hahas.