A WAKE UP CALL;

my parents finally got to know how much i have left in my bank;
55bucks to be exact;
my parents felt to disheartened;
why?
simply because it took them more than 10 years to accumulate 1k in my account;
& within months its gone;
i've been spending too much;
why? i just wanna confess;
i wanna try living in a life without even wanna consider how much i spend everyday;
i wanna get the best things even though there are some with a cheaper price but still look as good;
i go for branded items instead for a necessary;
i eat too good a meal than a normal hunger-filling one;
i take cab home instead of traveling with public transport;
the always problem with me - never to receive from someone;
i simply pamper myself too much;

God's word: give so that you can receive, receive so that you can give;
its a two way traffic;
& im gonna drill this phrase into my head now;

but hey ky! you gonna wake up;
you're broke now;
you ain't that rich;
you ain't gonna live your life like that;
you must be humble;
living everyday is already a blessing right?
why must to bestow to the inferior good instead of getting a normal one?
you're just a simple person;
living a simple life;
how complicated do you want to go?

i admit that poly life changed my thinking;
working & having my own income changed my thinking too;
but if i saved right at the beginning;
i would have at least 3k in my own account now;
no if! because things had already happened;
i wanna scrimp & save from now own;
but isn't it a little too late to think about that now?
but to withdraw from being a spendthrift forever;
i've considered myself fortunate to realise it now;

why is money controlling everyone's life?
1. are you agreeable that we make money as our idol in life?
2. is money your master?
3. do you hope in money?
4. do you equate abundant life with being wealthy?
5. do you sometimes think that life would be better if only you had more money?
6. do you worry that you will not have enough for your future?
7. is that why you're not tithing, not giving generously?
(from 40-day prayer guide FCBC publications)

i cant deny i would say much yes to the above questions;
but how would i wan to change;
my mummy has got toothache;
& it turned so badly that her whole cheek was swollen today;
when i was back home today & i saw it;
i felt sour inside;
i kept asking if she wanna see a doctor;
she kept shaking her head;
because i ain't a doctor myself;
i cant help much but only asking if she wanna visit a doctor;
her reason - dun wanna spend money;
she rather not spend money on herself but on us;
my family facing financial difficulty already;
adding on to my sis's toothache weeks back;
was really a great burden already;
& im having the thinking of quitting my job;

i know;
i could not rely on dear because;
firstly, he's still a student;
secondly, he's not working but studying right now;
he has no income, he has his own problem already;
i could not rely on my parents because;
they are facing their own problems already;
im working still;
the only thing now i can do is to scrimp & save;
spend only on necessary items;
wants VS needs;
i can depend on the Lord;
but it is not an immediate solution;
i know i have the Lord to depend on;
but working hard as well;
i will still tithe faithfully;
because when people move, God moves;
& because he will bless us a hundred folds back than what we initially give;
now i just hope i can get a better job with higher pay;
& leave my work place after rebates;
i hope by choosing & trusting Lord this time;
im doing & going the right path;
& i hope im financial stable to invest my time on Lord;
Lord, it is not asking in exchange;
but rather a request from you;
bless me financially alright?
i dont want any hindrance to the path of your world;
when i know im over coming one already;

almost quarreled with dear today;
which i dont feel like spelling out;
but if things really not working out;
& if it really takes a million years & not to understand each other;
i would want to give up;
no more suffering for him too;
im learning;
but our character really clashed like hell;
Lord, im tired, you decide;

something shocked me;
i know i did something wrong today;
but it was not intentional;
purple backed out for dance audition;
initially i thought it would be easy, just give in your best;
but eventually i realise it is not only like that;
stress falling upon you, making you almost impossible to gasp a mouth of air;
im sorry purple, if you see this;
i wanna say gomenasai for supporting you the wrong way;
& im sorry for being the last to know too;

pearle did not manage to get it while jess did;
pearle, you tried your best right?
you said you will get into oschool right?
make up your decision, brace your faith up & make your step in;
you have my support;
& also an applause for jess :D

Lord, thanks for keeping me alive;
make everything work out;
that's really the way you can help me;
i wanna everyone to be happy;
therefore you cab pour your sorrows onto me;
stats revision tomorrow;
bless me with a goodnight rest;
YOU RAWKS!
i stone;

with love;
yimyim